Parenthood can be very challenging. And even though some moms and dads say there’s nothing more rewarding, others might not feel the same way about it.
There are people who know the role of a parent is not for them; they often choose to be child-free. Others might only come to such a realization after starting a family, which can lead to them regretting having kids. A 2021 survey revealed that as much as 29% of Americans say they want to have fewer children or don’t want to have them at all.
For those who regret becoming parents, admitting that to themselves or others might not be an easy thing to do. But some of them have opened up about it on the ‘Regretful Parents’ subreddit—a safe space for people who think they should not have had children.
A Brooklyn-based actor, writer, and podcaster, Rachel Diamond, discussed the subreddit in one of her TikTok videos. She was replying to a comment someone made, saying that they haven’t met a single person who regrets becoming a parent. Scroll down to find her video and some confessions from parents who do.
@rachelandrue Replying to @aholly7614 #childfree #regretfulparent #childfreebychoice #GenshinImpact32 #fyp #foryou #parenting ♬ Music Instrument - Gerhard Siagian
This TikToker Replied To A Person Saying They Haven’t Met Anyone Who Regrets Having Children With Real-Life Stories From Parents Who Do
Image credits: Rachel Diamond
#1 F**k AutismI’m tired of people trying to make me feel bad because I didn’t want to deal with this nightmare of a diagnosis. I straight up admit I absolutely did not f**king want a special needs child which is why I aborted my first pregnancy - there was a chromosomal abnormality so I noped out real quick.
Got just about every damn test you could with the second pregnancy and everything was fine. But no. Autism.
All I ever f**king wanted was a normal family, is that so much to ask? My life growing up was walking on eggshells because of my mentally ill father and intellectually disabled sister. Then I was free. Only to get dragged back into hell.
I’m tired of all the extravagant accommodations and never ending extra s**t that goes into autism. We’re supposed to bend over backwards to children who only care about their immediate needs and themselves no matter what the f**k anyone else’s needs are - and then we get blamed for churning out entitled a***oles.
I’m tired of this broken f**king kid and never ending heavy burden. While I would never hurt him I can absolutely see how this breaks some parents and these nightmare kids end up getting thrown off a bridge. (I’m not saying I would throw him off a bridge you drama queens, I’m saying I can understand how parents snap)
Pre natal diagnostics needs to get on the f**king ball.
Image credits: Inverted-Prolapse
#2 I Let Myself Be Talked Out Of My Abortion And Out Of Putting My Twins Up For Adoption. I Will Never Forgive MyselfI was an 18 year old college student living on my own, having just escaped my abusive family. I fell pregnant and while I was trying to get information on having an abortion, members of a pro-life group sent me tons of messages saying they'd support me financially and emotionally if I went through with my pregnancy, saying they just wanted to be sure I had options. I was extremely depressed and vulnerable and I was living in this haze, and they made me believe having a baby would fix everything. That my problem was that I hadn't fulfilled my life's purpose of becoming a mother, which reinforced a lot of my family's indoctrination I hadn't shaken yet. They dropped their support as soon as I could no longer legally get an abortion, and I had to drop out of college to support myself and my twins. We had rough patches where I thought we'd end up homeless, but I still clung to the hope it would be worth it. My life would be better because I was a mother.
My twins are 6 now. I'm no longer struggling to put food on the table or pay rent, but they didn't fix anything. I think I snapped out of it when they were 2 years old and realized I ruined my life by having them. The horrible thing is I resent them and I feel so emotionally disconnected from them. Sometimes I feel like I'm just their babysitter and I'm waiting for their mom to come pick them up. The idea of 12 more years of this makes me sick.
Image credits: minimininimini
#3 Husband Finally Admitted To Baby-Trapping MeI always had my suspicions, but hearing him actually say it out loud was jarring to hear.
He told me that on the night we conceived our oldest, he got me really, really drunk while he stayed sober. When I was too drunk to even remember what happened, we had sex without a condom. Again, I don’t remember this happening. I thought I got pregnant the day after, because he said that condom accidentally broke during sex.
I asked him why he felt the need to do that. He said that he needed to get me pregnant, because he was scared that I was going to party and leave him and live my life when I turned 21. He didn’t want me to turn into a “whore”.
We have three kids now. This was 10 years ago. While I don’t necessarily regret my kids, I feel like my right to choose was taken away. I wanted an abortion with our second for mental health reasons. He still mocks me about it to this day, and even told our oldest daughter that I almost aborted her sister. He guilted me out of getting one.
I regret not having a carefree time in my entire adult life. When I got pregnant, I was only 20. My husband was 26, so he already got to have his whole, fun college experience.
Those would be my main regrets. My kids are all amazing, smart and lovely humans. I have spent the entirety of my 20’s making sure they are well-balanced and that they have a great childhood. However, I feel like I never got to be “me”. I still don’t know who I am. I had to grow up with my kids, and that’s not easy to do.
Image credits: teamqueen-12
#4 Regret Having A KidThe actual reason I had a kid was just pressure from society. I mean, this is what people are supposed to do you know? I’ve always made so much effort ticking all the boxes what people are “supposed to do”. I’m 30 years old and my biological clock is ticking. All my friends have kids so I thought to myself that it was now or never. Now I have this beautiful, healthy, lovely 2 year old whom I love more than words - make no mistake, I’m a good mom. But what I want is sleeping in, going to the gym whenever I want, travel, doing spontaneous things etc. That was my life before my daughter was born. I don’t feel this “rewarding” feeling everyone are talking about. I feel bitter and unfulfilled.
Image credits: No-Wallaby7622
#5 I've Gotten A Taste Of What Life Would Be Without My Child And It Has Made Me Even More RegretfulI had surgery so my son has been with his dad (who has never been this helpful before) and my parents. I'm 3 days into not having had to deal with him and it's been the best days of my life in 8 years. I feel so bad... But so good. I won't get him back until Sunday and I wish this could last forever.
He's severely autistic and screams all day and gets into things and hurts himself and me.
I'd have surgery once a month if it would help me have a whole week without him.
Image credits: askallthequestions86
#6 Gave Up My “Time” With My Daughter And Feel Better Than I Ever Have Since Becoming A MomI never wanted to have kids. It just wasn’t something I felt was meant for me. I have a myriad of health and mental health issues and they just take up so much of my time and energy I never thought I could commit to having a child.
I got pregnant at 21 with my boyfriend at the time. He was excited and I forced myself to feel the same, but the truth is I was completely disconnected my entire pregnancy. Because of my health issues I spent my pregnancy sickly and in pain. I wanted nothing more then for it to just end and I could have my body and my life back.
After my daughter was born she ended up being a “high needs” baby. She was colicky and screamed and cried and slept 30 minutes at a time for the first 6 months of her life. I couldn’t take it. I desperately wanted to give her up but her father convinced me it’ll get better and I was her mother and she only needed me.
As the years went by I never felt truly connected to her. I love her and I care for her but that unconditional maternal love just has never struck me or been there.
Today she’s 4 years old. On the autism spectrum and really hard to deal with. Last year I started distancing myself and cutting my time with her.
She’s thriving and a very happy kid, with or without me. I see her once or twice a week and I’m happy with it. I provide child support to her father and I do what I need to do to provide for her financially but emotionally I just can’t do it.
I know this makes me a monster in most peoples eyes and I’ve accepted this judgement from society.
She has family and a father that take great care of her but unfortunately I will never be that mother for her.
I guess I’m just here to say that it’s ok to feel this way. And I’m open to questions or thoughts on my situation.
Image credits: carinyoo
#7 Coworkers Talking About Why They Don't Want KidsSome of my younger coworkers were talking about why they don't want kids, and I just felt this sinking feeling inside me. I wish I had been more true to myself and continued with my knowledge that I never wanted kids, but I felt maternal feelings that were actually just a part of loving my now husband. A baby wasn't the answer to my body's question, but we thought it was. I thought this is what I wanted at that point and then I did it and I hate it. I love my daughter (she is 3) but if I had the opportunity to go back in time I would never have gotten pregnant. I learned the hard way that "I want to have a baby with this person" is a very different thing from "I want to be a parent".
So I envy my coworkers who are currently in that position of knowing they don't want kids and wanting to sleep in and hang out with friends and do whatever they want without either dragging a kid along or trying to find childcare. That was me and then I made a life altering decision I now have to live with.
Image credits: u/Detronyx
#8 Wife Is Pregnant, I Just Feel Like My Life Is RuinedJust venting... but it just sucks. My wife and I (M - 30s) always agreed we didn't want kids. I was on a waiting list for a vasectomy but she was on the pill since forever.
I guess a soldier slipped, and now all of a sudden abortion is off the table. She wants to give motherhood "a try". It's definitely her body and her right to choose, but I certainly feel betrayed and hurt with all this. I have zero paternal desire in my bones, I value my free time and financial independence, I had hopes to retire in my 40s, but now all this is suddenly ripped from me and I feel like I have no say.
Wish I'd made that appointment sooner. Now I feel resentful towards her, and just not looking forward to my life in 4-5 months at all.
Image credits: Free-theFTR
#9 I Want My Old Life BackI love my child now he is here but I never wanted a child. My husband did. I put it off and then he ended up moving over to my side of the fence. In the end we agreed not to renew my contraception.
I was expecting it to be hard but not this hard. It’s horrendous. I’m done.
Image credits: teacup901
#10 My Child Has Ruined My Relationship With My HusbandWe used to be in love. Now we hate each other. This child has taken all our love and energy and positivity out of us.
I hate being a mother. I hate my husband. I hate that my baby is too perfect and too pure and I'm not good enough for him. I can't even function like a normal adult. I'm exhausted all the time. Sometimes I spend hours fantasizing about drowning myself in the river. I want to die to escape my responsibilities. But I can't die because I'm a coward and a b**ch who doesn't deserve to be a mother.
Image credits: Amy_Tar
#11 Parents Faking HappinessParent to a 3 and 4 year old. I do not believe any parent actually enjoys their children or doesn't regret having kids. Everytime I see a picture and caption of how much a parent loves their kid and it's all smiles and giggles, I think that people post these things for likes to get a little dopamine surge to counterbalance the s**tstorm their life has become.
I wish more people were honest about parenthood. I wish I knew whether people actually felt immediate bonding with their babies and genuinely enjoy their kids, because I am convinced it's all a facade to ease the hollowness of parenthood.
Image credits: thisissixsyllables
#12 I Woke Up Today And Feel DefeatedI woke up today and feel defeated with parenting and work. I just feel uninspired with everything. Like i dont want to do anything anymore. I’ll try to take a nap on weekends but can't seem to have a full rest. I still feel tired as f**k and will only wakeup with a massive headache. I feel like parenthood “broke” me. Everything hurts.
Ps. Love my baby to death but sometimes I feel like i shouldnt be a parent.
I dont know. Maybe im just exhausted with everything. I just want to feel normal again.
Image credits: ramennoodleluna
#13 Are Men Often The Driving Force Behind Having Children?In my close circles of acquaintances, I have several women who were all ambivalent about having children or staying CF but in all of the cases it was overwhelmingly the men who convinced them to have kids. I think it might be because women come into contact with household and child rearing duties sooner and more frequently than men which is why men have this strange Disney-like notion about having children.
Was it similar for some of you or just the opposite?
Image credits: [deleted]
#14 Honestly, What Is There To Enjoy About Parenthood?Never getting enough sleep? Constant whining and crying? Going to battle at every meal? Constant anxiety? Curing a cold while having a cold? Not a single moment to yourself? Always needing to do laundry? Always needing to do dishes? Strained relationship with partner? Judgement from parents? Surrendering your tidy home? Losing your identity? Falling behind at work? Worrying about expenses?
Why do we do this?
Image credits: banana-bao
#15 For The Fence-Sitters...You know that feeling you get at the tail-end of winter, when it feels like you haven't had the sun on your face for ages? It feels like it's been cold forever, and every morning feels gray, and you look forward to spring when you won't have to put on your boots and coat to scrape the ice off your car while you freeze your a*s off?
Imagine trying to explain that feeling to someone who's spent their whole life in the tropics. You can complain about the cold, but it's not really the cold. It's not the snow, either. And having to put on boots in the morning, or drive a car on icy roads? None of these things seem like a big deal in isolation. Even combined, they don't seem overwhelming to an outsider. Anybody can do winter for a while.
It's really the bitter endlessness of it. Waking up to it day after day after goddamn day. The dark, the cold. The petty frustrations that together are more than the sum of their parts.
That's what being a parent has been like for me. Only, instead of being able to look forward to spring, the only thing on the horizon is more winter. Decades of winter. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I swear it's the best analogy I can think of.
It's bleak. And it can be harder still knowing that you chose this. You could be sitting in Mexico under the hot sun, salsa dancing and sipping margaritas. But instead, you picked 18 years of winter. Possibly more. And that decision can seem very, very stupid when you're shoveling your driveway while subzero winds blow snow in your face.
Image credits: [deleted]
#16 I Lost All Love For My 12-Year-Old SonToday, I just had a major breakdown because of his behavior.
He had a long overdue assignment that he'd lied about finishing last night. I got like the 100th email from his teacher saying he's not doing his school work.
When he got home from school, I calmly told him to finish his assignments first. He went to his room but was mosning and groaning so loudly the entire time that my husband had to tell him twice to cut it out. He kept on doing it and I just snapped. I was shaking so bad because of anger, I was screaming at him to just leave and never come back.
It's like this every. Single. Day. It's a struggle to get him to do anything. We have to call him 100 times to come to the dining table, to take shower, to brush his teeth.
Everyday it's a struggle. And it's not like he is passive - he screams at us, talks back, calls his dad racist remarks, mocks us. , slams doors...
I am so sick of it. I wish I could give him up. I am tired because I am alone taking care of my baby daughter the whole day and he comes from school only to act up if we so much as ask him a question.
We have tried taking screen time, gadgets away, heart to heart talks, strict parenting. Nothing works.
#17 I'm Sick Of Being Accused Of Being "Ableist" Because My Child's Adhd Is A Huge Reason Behind My Regret Of Having HerI've written a huge post before how frustrating my child is because her ADHD makes her so damn difficult. Therapists are at a loss with her. There is a real possibility I'll have to quit my job to home school her because her school can't handle her. But apparently this makes me ableist. I'm so sick of it. It is so challenging to have that kid, and I resent that my frustration with it is labeled as "ableist". I feel like most people who had to raise a child like mine would regret and regret it too.....
#18 My Firstborn Is Special Needs And It Makes It Hard To Love HerMy (35f) daughter (5f) K is special needs. Autistic with broad developmental delays. (Don't know the correct terms in english) She dosent talk, dosen't sign, wears diapers. One moment she's laughing, The next she hits or kicks. More than once K's smeared poop on my mattress and/or walls.
K has to be watched every moment she's awake. She will run to the street or break things just for fun. She's a 24/7 job that never stops. I could go on, but maybe you get the picture.
I had my second child, a son, nine months ago. He's such a easy child, very happy and content.
So here's the horrible truth. I find myself loving My son more. K's just so much work, even with all the help I get.
Before kids, I never yelled. Never had a short temper. I wanted to be a mom so bad. And now, i'm a bad mom. Sometimes i just want to take off.
(I had my kids using a sperm donor, so no badmouthing "The dad".)
Any words of comfort?
Image credits: verytiredfin
#19 I Wish I Never Had My SonI feel like a terrible mom for feeling this was but I never wanted my child. I got pregnant unexpectedly and my husband was unsupportive of terminating the pregnancy. He convinced me that we could handle a baby. But I failed to realize it would just mostly be me caring for this child. My whole life has changed and his gets to be so normal. I’ve been struggling to make it through the day at this point. Five months postpartum and I still feel like I’m drowning. Most days I think about how I can just leave, pack up everything and never come back but the guilt of leaving my son and later in his life feel like it’s his fault kills me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried therapy and it just feels like another chore to do on top of caring for the house and my child.
#20 I Don’t Like My Kid And I’m Not Sure I Can Do Another 13 Years With HerJust a rant.. we had a bad morning. 50/50 custody of 5 year old. Shy around other adults. And with her peers , she is bad with sharing, brags a lot, competitive and a sore loser. She has no friends because other moms have decided she’s too “mean”.
I know that it’s all mostly my fault. I haven’t been that great of a mom. I really have tried but it’s been so hard. I’m in tears right now writing this. I work so hard to keep a good, warm home. I only work school hours so she’s never had before or after school care, every single thing I do, I do for her. And it’s never good enough. And I’m fried. I’ll never meet a person who would want to share a life with me with this ungrateful, angry, rude little person who I’m now stuck with for the next decade and a half.
Not really looking for advice. Just a place to say the things that I really should never say out loud to anyone. I feel like I want to start drinking and it’s only 9:30 in the f**king morning..
Image credits: halflitandilliterate
#21 I Never Want To Come HomeMy daughter is 2. Her pregnancy wasn’t very planned, the pregnancy was difficult, the birth was hell, and the postpartum was a living nightmare coping with a permanent injury from the birth. I had a surgery 1 year after it and finally started to feel better about 6 months ago.
Every single night when work is over, or I have to leave an appt to come home, I just don’t want to. I just sit in my car alone honestly for several minutes. It feels like I can’t move my entire body, it feels like climbing Mount Everest to start the car and actually drive it home. I’ve never felt dread like this in my life. Or I sit in the driveway after I’ve arrived and just feel like I physically can’t pull myself inside. I just can’t do it.
It’s not that I don’t want to see my husband or daughter. It’s the mountain of responsibilities that fill me with dread. The incessant needs. I can’t do it anymore. Yesterday I just sat in my car for 30 minutes.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t want this life, I don’t want it. It’s been a living nightmare. None of it is rewarding. Maybe im just an antisocial psychopath. What kind of monster doesn’t find having a child rewarding?
(Yes I’ve been in therapy for 8 years and I’m on medication for anxiety/depr. Plz don’t tell me to look into those things. I care deeply about my health and have had to fight/scream for medical care the last 3 years and I’ve exhausted every Avenue.)
#22 For The Love Of God, Don’t Let Society Pressure You To Have Another KidIf you only have one kid and you are regretful or straight up not having a good time, DONT HAVE ANOTHER. Not even when they tell you that it will be easier because they can play together. Not even when your partner begs you. Not even when you feel like your kid needs a sibling. Just don’t do it. I have seen SO MANY PEOPLE that have more kids because they feel like they are supposed to. Because they feel like if they don’t they will irreparably damage their kid.
Your child will be fine. Stay with one. It is a thousand times easier.
An only child who turned out just fine.
Image credits: Soprc33
#23 F**k Spring Break. F**k All BreaksMy 7 year old has been begging me to go to my grandma's condo in the mountains for a year. Figured I'd make her happy for spring break. She made everything so miserable this time around that we left a 3 day trip after 26 hours.
We are to keep the condo pristine and my child wrecked it in less than a day. Filth everywhere, everything rearranged, etc. It took me an hour to clean up today after only staying a night. And she defaced my late great grandmother's dining room chair with pen. I couldn't remove it. Oh and before we went to breakfast she dropped her favorite stuffed animal in the toilet and got toilet water everywhere.
Everything we tried to do she complained the whole time and was a complete brat. Today was the final straw when she got everything I could give her and she was crying about her ice cream being too cold. I was like, we are going home. I'm done.
Whines the entire car ride home.
Why would anyone have more than one kid? Why does anyone have kids on purpose at all?
And what the hell am I going to do about summer? All daycare programs seem insanely expensive .
Image credits: Jugger-Thot
#24 I Was Groomed Into Motherhood My Entire Life As A Mormon. I Live Everyday Knowing I Was HoodwinkedI was raised as a Mormon in a very traditionally Mormon household. The only thing I was raised and bred to do was to raise and breed more babies. That was my only calling, education and careers were never emphasized. I was sent to college for an “MRS. degree”, to find a man who would make enough money to take care of me so I could be the 50’s STAHM I had been training my entire life for. I had an inkling at 21 that I didn’t like children when I worked at a daycare. But I ignored it. I had my child at 24 which was “old.” 4 months after he was born I had my “oh s**t” moment. I didn’t like motherhood. This was NOT what all the Mormon women in Relief Society and my Young Women leaders told me it would be my entire life. There are moments where I’ve felt true delirium. From the sleeplessness. There’s no other word to describe it. He’s 3 now. I’m a single mom. I left the Mormon church. I never finished college. He was just diagnosed with autism and I’m calculating all the bills that are on the horizon with insurance and ABA therapy. I feel like I’ll never be able to get ahead. I work full time and side hustle and donate plasma where I can. My village is tiny and all prices for everything keep rising. I miss taking care of myself, my body exists only to labor. Im 27 but I feel 37. When I look in the mirror I see nothing but a tired, empty, broken wisp of who I was and who I wish I could be. I blame the church for never giving me other options than motherhood. I didn’t know I could be something else. What dreams would I have had? I love my son but I’ll never have another.
#25 I Honestly Just Want To Live Alone. No Spouse, No Parents, No Children, No Friends Or RoommatesI will literally financially support my child to live on their own right when they're legally allowed to do so. Then I can finally have some peace and quiet. Hopefully by then I'm able completely support myself financially, but with the high cost of living in my city I will likely be dependent on my parents, a spouse or roommates for decades to come.
That is all.
Image credits: drunkenmistakes420
#26 How Is It That No Matter How Much I Clean My House, It Is Beyond Trashed At All Times?I mean there’s currently f**king YOGURT splattered all over the kitchen and living room and yogurt handprints all over the front door, back door and living room window. Why? You see I just cleaned the windows! You helped me! Why do this??? There are like 80 legos in the bathtub and bathroom sink. I opened the fridge and the milk was tipped over on the top shelf and poured over everything. How? She’s 3 feet tall! There’s literally HUMAN POOP smeared on the couch. How??? She’s fully dressed and wearing a diaper! This has all happened this morning WHILE IM CLEANING THE HOUSE and is like this all the time. I can’t get ahead of it. I can’t live in squalor but no matter how much I try to clean, it gets completely destroyed instantly. Faster than instantly. Simultaneously. This is one three year old child. She is an agent of pure destruction and chaos and filth. And she works fast. And she never f**king stops.
This has been today’s insane rant/screaming into the void. Thank you for reading.
#27 I Really Regret Not Getting An AbortionI hate myself for not being able to go through with it. I hate myself for not leaving my relationship way earlier. I hate myself for not standing up for myself & walking away from this toxic & abusive relationship. I hate that I believed I was not going to get pregnant by him because in the 10 years of us being together, I never got pregnant & especially because a doctor told him he basically had no sperm & yes I was there. I hate myself for not being an independent person and becoming so dependent on him to do anything & everything in my everyday life. I feel like failure & I want to be dead. I hate that I had everything planned out to leave him & then shortly I suddenly got pregnant. I was beyond upset when I found out. All I did was cry. I just wasn’t able to do that abortion. I really should have. I beyond regret becoming a mom & I can’t express how much I seriously hate myself & my life. I have love for my 6month old son but I just can’t. I want to leave or runaway. I can’t be a mom. I really can’t but I am. I take care of him. I make sure he’s okay and happy but inside I’m dead. I really wish I stronger & had that abortion. All this did was tie me to him for ever & have regret of having a baby. I hate myself. I’m f**ken stupid. Now it’s going to be way harder to leave. I still love his dad & his dad is a great dad to him but he’s horrible to me & we can’t be together. Mentally I’m just really exhausted right now. Everyday I wish I could go back in time and save myself from motherhood & him. How could I do this to myself. I’m so disappointed. I’m only 26 & I regret not getting to live my best life during my 20s. I wanted to be that free girl so bad. All that is gone now. So much regret & so much pain.
#28 I'm Stuck Living Somewhere I Hate For Another 13 Years After My Divorce Because Of My KidsThe worst part about having kids is the way you are forever tied to your ex partner if the relationship with them goes bad.
I have a 7 and 5 year old with my now ex husband who cheated on me and have split 75-25 custody with my ex husband. The negative thing with no-fault divorce is that a partner who cheats on their spouse still gets treated equally in the divorce settlement.
I have to live in a state I hate because I am not allowed to move interstate back to my own family without his permission and he refuses to give me that permission. I have to be in contact with him even though speaking with him repulses me. I have to encourage a positive relationship between him and my children even though it makes me sick to say a nice word about someone who cheated on me with the only friend I had in this city.
I want to go home. I don't want to deal with him ever again, but this man is now in my life forever. I have to deal with him forever.
13 years. I have 13 years until I can move away from this awful expensive city that is a terrible fit for me.
I already regretted kids before the cheating and divorce happened but this is just the icing on the cake. I had kids largely for him and now I hate him, but I am stuck with the kids and stuck with this life.
#29 Feels Like The Worst Mistake Of My LifeI, 28F and my partner willingly got pregnant with our now 8 month old son. We were so excited about it and wanted him so badly…
I have been struggling since day 1 and it’s not improved. I wake up EVERY morning listening to him cry and I struggle to open my eyes and start the day. I hate motherhood. I hate every single thing about it. The baby has started crawling so I truly have my hands full… and I know it’s only going to get worse. I’m not looking forward to any phase in the future. To me it all looks downhill.
I have some good days with my son, but most times I just find it too hard to bare. I miss every aspect of my old life and genuinely feel like I’ve ruined my future.
I’ve imagined picking up everything and just disappearing to get some alone time and peace and quiet. But I know I would miss him and his dad. I just feel trapped.
I don’t see a way out.
#30 Too Young For ThisI am 24 years old and I have an extremely autistic daughter. When she was a baby it was smooth sailing. You raise babies all the same mostly. It's not hard. But as the years pass by she's unmanageable. I sometimes cry so bad imagining what my life would be like. I'm so talented so funny and had so many dreams. Now I'm locked up in my section 8 housing can't work because I can't find care for her. Therapy won't call me back and I'm hitting a brick wall. I don't feel resentment towards my child I feel extremely bad for her. She doesn't understand anything barely. She barely can function alone for five seconds alone without destroying the place or smearing poop everywhere or breaking everything in her path. Her dad is not helping me as he doesn't want parts.My family and friends don't want parts im so alone. In my dreams I imagine what I could be. I hope that we actually do have a next life that I can actually live and not be bound by this. I ask God why has he cursed me so bad. And what did I do to deserve this. I am resentful towards my mother. She's the one that was so forceful for me to have her. I was set on an abortion. I had no plans in keeping her. Maybe I wasn't supposed too. Maybe this is my punishment. I don't know. I've tried to find the blessing in this. But where is it. I feel like I'm in my mid 40's. My life is over. Everyday I rush to put her to bed so I can cry at night. Sad part is she's beautiful. Gorgeous and stunning. I wish she was normal so bad. I wish this world had more tools for autistic children. I wish more ppl would help not only me but all moms In similar cases. I wish this life would hurry up. I don't like it here anymore. I pray to God there is a light at the end of this tunnel. This is hell. And I'm here everyday
#31 I Am Extremely Close To Kicking My Daughter OutI feel so awful but I have to. I don’t know what else to do and our home cannot handle having her in it.
When I was 18, I made the stupid mistake of letting one of my classmates in our senior class knock me up with no protection. He pitied me enough to stay until our daughter was around 7, and we realized we are terrible for one another. My daughter ended up very affected by the divorce and I still feel awful about it to this day.
Ever since around 2 years after our divorce, my daughter hated me. Her behavior got more and more extreme. She started from just defying me to lying to her school about me and my husband physically abusing her and our (at the time) 4 year old son. This happened when she was 14, and it was the final straw. We asked her if she wanted to live with her dad, which she agreed to, and we dropped her off at her dads and only saw her during the holidays.
This was a huge mistake. Her father was an abusive narcissist and she ended up learning a lot of s***ty and manipulative tactics from him. He ended up dying around 6 months ago due to an opiate overdose.
She has been in our custody for these 6 months, and in 3 weeks she will be 18. She has turned into a scammer who has managed to make a few thousand dollars under our noses. We realized just exactly what she was doing when she tried to recruit our now 7 year old son into her scamming business. This was our last straw with her entirely. We were planning on letting her stay until she graduates high school, but now we have decided that after her 18th birthday she will need to find somewhere else to stay. I cannot handle her. Our family cannot handle her.
#32 25 Year Old Mother With A 2 Year Old Son - Regret Ever Becoming A ParentI had my son when I was 23 years old and I can honestly say it was the worst mistake of my life. Im not with his father anymore, whilst he’s a good dad and helps out as much as he can I can’t help but feel feelings of regret whenever I think about my situation. I don’t have the typical “motherly bond” that you see plastered all over instagram and Facebook and this makes me feel so guilty. My mother and family help me out a lot and I honestly don’t know where I would be without them but I just wanted to get this off my chest. If your on the fence about wanting kids please think long and hard about any decision you make as this is permanent as hell. The only time I’m ever enjoying myself is when I’m sleeping or away from my son. I love him to death but more like a younger brother or family member. I know for a fact I will never have any more children for as long as I’m alive. It annoys the hell out of me when people say “oh your still so young” “you’ll change your mind in a couple of years” erm.. no I most definitely will not. I wish I had a time machine to wake me up from this living nightmare.
#33 A Good Reason To Have Kids?I'm struggling to find meaning. With my unplanned pregnancy I had the indoctrinated list of "why you should have children" rhetoric embedded in me from everyone. Plus the fun "It's God's plan/it's what God wants for your life/God's gift" mindf**k (I'm no longer religious).
After being a parent for 7 years, all of those reasons have fallen like flies. They all seem so selfish or cruel. What gave me the right to bring another human into this world. What gives anyone the right. Other than simply having the ability to reproduce.
It'd be different if I was bringing another person into paradise to experience bliss, but we all know this place is f**ked. Ironic I didn't realize how awful the world was and how hard life is until I had to worry about children. Add the fact its inevitable we ourselves will f**k up our kids in one way or the other.
Anyone have at least one healthy, realistic and/or good reason to have children that keeps you going? Not the sugar coated parroting we've all heard, and not after the fact(because obviously we're all going to keep going regardless, they are here already) but a solid reason to be a parent.
#34 I'm Joining The Military To EscapeIt sounds insane because it is insane. I absolutely DO NOT want to "serve" this country. But I'm a single mom who was forced into motherhood because the dad refused to go through with adoption. I'm struggling with bills and it's just me and my child here 24/7. If I join I have to give up custody to her dad which is fine by me. He swears he loves and can't wait to see his daughter but she has to live with me so he can "get his sht together". He's been trying to get his sht together since I met him. I'm over it.
#35 Wish I Could Run Away From My Life And FamilyI’ve never posted on here. I only found this sub yesterday and was so relieved to see that I’m not alone in the way I feel. I (F18) got pregnant very young. I had my son at 17 years old to a man older than me. I never wanted children. I was very close to aborting my baby. Very close. I’m talking going to planned parenthood and being forced to listen to the heartbeat before examination close. I ended up having the baby, because my bf convinced me to and promised he would be supportive. He is in most ways. But he’s also alcoholic. He is not abusive and treats me great most of the time. But alcoholics have their moments.
I hate being a mother. My son is about to be 1 year old. And I still have not adjusted to being a mother. I miss my old life. I’m still a teenager and I have absolutely no friends. I love my son. I love my boyfriend. But I yearn for freedom. I often fantasize about living alone in an apartment and sleeping in, going grocery shopping, going on trips, ANYTHING without having to worry about another human. I am not a good mother. I try to play with him as much as I can muster up the courage to, but I end up laying in bed half the time and letting him watch cartoons. I take care of him enough to where he’s healthy and alive. But I could do so much better. I just can’t and genuinely don’t want to. His Dad loves him so much and if he weren’t an alcoholic I would definitely consider straight up giving him custody. But I know I would miss him. I don’t know. I just needed to get this off my chest. I just want to be alone. I think I was trapped.
#36 I Am Starting To Scare MyselfI did not plan on having children. My husband and I were married just about 2 years when I gave birth to my now 2.5 year old. He got a lot of pressure from his mother to give her a grandchild. I believe this led him to pressure me, and me wanting to make my husband happy, agreed to have a kid. Our once good life is now a mess and I absolutely do not like being a parent. I do not enjoy anything about it. I only breastfeed for 1 day, as it grossed me out so much. The crying makes me crazy. I do not like poop, puke, baby talk, or other parents. I have scar tissue from tearing which has made sex almost impossible because of the pain. So my sex life is gone. I am trying to hang in there, but my fantasies of leaving are becoming too much. I have saved up enough money to get an apartment if I need too. I browse indeed for jobs in different states. I bought a new phone with a different phone number so if I left I could ditch my current phone and no one could bother me. I have planned a road trip to a state I would like to move to, full with rest stops and everything. Every night when I am bed, and everyone is sleeping, I imagine getting up and leaving, to never look back. One more bad day and I am afraid I will not be able to help myself and slip out of the door like a ghost.
#37 Love Partner But Regret ParenthoodWhen you decide to have a child (well twins in my case) with your long term partner that always wanted to have kids even though you never shared the dream. Thought maybe it would all work out and fit snuggly and happily like society always conveys.
Life turns upside down instead. Now you’ll likely not only lose the love of your life but you’ve also become something you never really wanted in the first place, a mother. For the rest of your life.
Or you stay together and question what you are doing everyday and just how much your heart/brain/emotions can take. Accompanied by a blanket of sadness that flares up and tries to strangle you on some days. You’re surviving but you’re no living.
True story and I do not recommend.
#38 I Give UpI am regretful in my life choices. I really am. Mostly regretful In having my daughter. She has severe autism. And when I got pregnant I wanted an abortion but my parents talked me out of it and it was the worst mistake I've ever made even still to this day everyday is hell and if it's not hell it's lower than hell. I can't do anything anymore alone. I can't even bring her with me because she has terrible outbursts and screams and cries and she's almost 5 years old and everyone has fallen off. My friends don't even care about me anymore or invite me out anywhere. Her God mom cut off contact with us probably because she's too much to handle and I can't take it anymore. Day in and day out im here with her alone. Dealing with constant pooping everywhere spreading it across the walls bed sheets. Breaking everything that is important to me or even nice to me. She breaks thru child gates and all other precautions I make. She doesn't sleep waking me up almost every night screaming and yelling and won't stop. I can't take it. Im not a violent person so I don't hit her but sometimes I lock myself in my room and cry. Is this it for me ? Is this a life a 25 year old woman should have to live ? Is this living or is this existing ? My health is declining. Mentally I'm at a 0. I want to just run away. Sometimes when she's screaming so loud at night I hope someone calls CPS and they come take her. I genuinely don't wanna be in this situation. But I have to be so hopefully I'll get dealt better cards in my next life
#39 I Regret Having A ThirdI am so thankful for this sub because it makes me feel less crazy. On the outside I appear to have a great life; three healthy kids, a supportive spouse, a good job, family support… and all that makes me just feel more guilty for having such regrets about my kids. I did want to be a mom. We waiting and had kids when we were ready. But after two it’s like we got overly confident, or careless, or something. My spouse really wanted a third and I just kind of went along with it and I soooooo wish I hadn’t. Two kids is PLENTY. The third has made our lives utter chaos. It’s unrelenting and I hate feeling this way. It’s like we went from manageable to crazy town and there’s no going back. I’m so disappointed in myself and am grieving the life I could have had if we’d have stopped at one or two.
I love my kids but I also feel like I’m stretched so thin with work and the kids that I can’t even be a good parent to them. When my oldest talks to me and wants to share something interesting in my head I just thing “please stop talking and leave me alone!” I don’t want to play, I just want space, quiet, and for people to quit touching me and climbing on me all the damn time! Also whyyyyyy do they never stop making noise?!
We are finally past the baby stage, the youngest is three, and I keep waiting for it to get better. Don’t get me wrong it’s less awful now — I hated the baby stage and constant diapers, night feedings, etc. but we have three boys and they’re SO f**king rowdy, loud, and messy. As a person who values quiet down time I’m absolutely going out of my mind. I just want to run away.
I can’t believe I’m a whole a*s adult and got myself into this situation. I know how babies are made people! And yet here I am, regretting having a child when I knew better. If you made it this far, thanks for listening.
#40 Pregnant And RegretfulThe moment I (27F) found out I was pregnant I cried for days in disappointment wondering how I could be so stupid. My partner however cried tears of joy. We’ve been married some time, have a nice home and stable jobs so this just seemed like it would be the next step. We had talked about it before and agreed we both wanted a kid at some stage. I’m now pregnant and I never thought i’d be in a position where I’d want an abortion but here I am. I don’t know if my relationship could survive an abortion as all we do is fight over the baby, over money and just everything whereas before we had the perfect, fun and carefree relationship. I tell him that I feel like my life is over and I get told I’m being hurtful and dramatic. I lived a lifestyle before this (and pre COVID) of travelling, partying and spending my money on whatever I damned please. We earn very good wages where we have the luxury to buy what we want and go out frequently but with a kid in the mix that won’t be possible. I will happily admit I’ve come to the conclusion I’m too selfish for this. I am so scared of becoming a regretful parent but I am more scared of the voice inside my head telling me to get the abortion and to lie and say I miscarried. I find myself laying awake at night praying for a miscarriage but I know I’m not that lucky. I feel like it isn’t normal to be thinking like that but I’m scared of taking this baby away from my husband who wants this so much.
#41 This Was A Terrible DecisionI (34 F) regret having children. I thought I’d love being a parent. As a teenager and young adult I greatly enjoyed teaching, coaching and babysitting kids and thought it would be something I’d enjoy as an adult. My husband agreed and we had 2 kids, 2 years apart because both of us love having siblings. Unfortunately when my youngest was 2 I got a chronic illness, and now my immune system is terrible. Caring for 2 young kids while being chronically ill means the children are well cared for, but I am not. I catch everything they get and more, I can’t help but feel the stress and burden of having kids caused my chronic illness. At least the constant work and stress contributed to my illness. Caring for kids is so unfulfilling, boring, and repetitive. My kids are well behaved, cute and intelligent, truly some of the least annoying kids out there ( I shudder every time they ask to invite friends, most other kids are little s**ts). However, I can’t help feel that my life wasn’t meant to be an endless cycle of laundry, dishes and reading boring books aloud, while battling bone crushing fatigue and a never ending sore throat and runny nose. Seriously, had I known parenting meant I would get this sick so often, I wouldn’t have done it.
#42 I Love Him But I Regret HimThe moment I got pregnant I wasn’t even happy like I thought I’d be. I couldn’t eat the entire time, I was so starved he took all my weight. When he was born you could see my bones. When I saw him for the first time he was just a strange being laying on me, I didn’t care about him, I just wanted my partner to hold my hand but I understood they were just watching our son. It seemed like everyone cared until he came, nobody wanted to see me or him.
I always feel alone, yet way too touched out. I’ve been angry for a long time and he only makes me even more angry. He’s not even three months yet so I don’t know if it’s just my postpartum depression, but I just know I hate this life. My mom always said meeting your baby is so magical and you’ll feel instant love, my friend in a different state got pregnant and she adores her son and always posts about him. I don’t understand how, i even tried tricking myself to be happy.
I regret him because I miss being by myself, I miss showers, I miss going places without diaper bags, I miss not worrying about being the lady with an annoying crying slobbering baby. I wanted an abortion 3 times. My partner always said they’d kill themselves if their child died… Now I do most of the work, the house will never be clean if I don’t do it.
My cousin thinks I feel this way just because my partner doesn’t help a ton but honestly if I didn’t have my son I would’ve done everything differently. I know I love my son, but I shouldn’t have had him at 18.
#43 What Is Killing Me?It’s the unending, repetitive, monotonous, hamster-wheel nature of…like, everything.
Every single damn day of my existence it’s unending piles of dishes…MOUNTAINS of laundry…making multiple (requested) meals that go untouched by mean a*s little food critics…cleaning a disastrously messy house, only to have all that work undone almost instantly. Its having MY THINGS lost or broken. It’s the constant tattling and sibling rivalry. It’s every tv in the house HAS to be playing Blippy or Peppa Pig or Mickey’s Clubhouse some other maddening kid show (like they cannot tolerate an adult watching anything that isn’t one of “their shows”, even in another room, and will ensure you are not permitted to enjoy it). It’s the constant whining and begging and bargaining for this new toy or that new doodad that will be discarded faster than it takes to pry it out of the impossible to open packaging. It’s the resistance and doing the actual opposite of whatever it is I’m needing them to either do or stop doing. And it’s all so effortless for them. And it’s killing my soul and my sanity. And I’m becoming someone I truly dislike. I’m becoming deeply angry and resentful. I want to enjoy my children and my life, but I don’t. I just don’t.
#44 Why Are People So Hard On Parents Venting Here? As The Child Of A Regretful Mother, I Wish She Vented Here Instead Of Taking It Out On MeI'm 26 this year, so a bit too old for my mother to have had the internet as a support network the way people do now, but I wish she did and could have whined it out here when I was younger instead of constantly making me feel like an unwanted piece of s**t when I was growing up with all her comments like "having you ruined my body", "I used to have a fun life before you came along", "I'd have a better job if I didn't have to pick you up from school every day", "having a baby young ruins you life", "your father trapped me when he got me pregnant" (I was born in a country where abortion was very hard to get at the time. You basically had to be very rich and able to afford a very high end clinic that would take bribes to give you the illegal at the time abortion pill).
I don't resent her for regretting and disliking parenthood. I'm childfree myself so I totally get it. But I resent her for how she handled it. I have all sorts of mental health issues as a result of being unwanted and hearing about it all the time. Just let people vent here. Better they vent here instead of to their kids.
#45 Why Did I Do This To Myself? I Feel So Stupid And Tricked By Society And BiologyI hate having a newborn. I absolutely hate it. It's not the kids fault. It's mine. I know my temperament and abilities. I CANNOT stay up all night and get to work. I can't stand watching my wife be exhausted 24/7. So I try to help. Then i just go down this line of thinking...why the f**k did I do this to myself? I hate myself so much for thinking a 2nd child would be good. "Oh your first kid needs a sibling." "You're already in the mode so you might as well have another." All kinds of bulls**t. Advice for new parents: Only have a newborn if you can AFFORD to hire people to help. Nannies. Babysitters. And I don't mean once a month. I mean 4 nights a week. If you need to work...and your career is extremely demanding...not for you. You can't have a career and a newborn at the same time without significant amounts of help. I deeply regret that I did this and there's no going back. No amount of sucking it up will allow me to not sleep and then be on point at 8am at my job that pays our mortgage. This was so f**king stupid I cannot believe I let myself fall for this.
#46 One Of These Days, I'm Going To Wake Up And No One Will Be Demanding Anything From MeI will not need to stumble blearily out of bed to change the diaper on a crying, flailing baby.
No one will inform me that they wet the bed last night, or whine at me about how hungry they are and ask repeatedly when breakfast will be ready until I yell at them to stop.
I won't have to get anyone ready for school, or ask "how could you possibly have lost your shoes" or make sure that their snack is in their backpack.
I won't have to tell anyone that they need to stop goofing off or they're going to be late. "Dad, have you seen my backpack?" You mean the backpack that's hanging up on the hook where it's supposed to be, that backpack?
One day, I'll wake up, stretch, and make myself a cup of coffee that I'll drink while it's still hot. I'll take a shower, sit and read for a bit, maybe get an early start on my workday, or go for a short walk.
Only like... 10 more years, guys.
#47 Regretful-ParentsWhen I was 22 I decided I wanted to be child free. I used to get up and go when I please, I was not under pressure financially, I love my career which comes with travel, I did not have to be in charge of drop offs and pick ups, meetings, dropping everything to pick him up when sick... I only had to worry about feeding and bathing myself... BUT with people in my ear about how much I would regret this, life happened and I ended up pregnant and not only that but he ended up being diagnosed with Autism and now 4 years old, still non verbal. Now, in addition to above, I have to keep track of all therapies, appointments and I don’t know if he’ll ever be independent, living on his own so being an empty nester might not ever be in my future. I guess the plus is I got my tubes removed otherwise I would’ve probably been admitted to psych ward if I ended up pregnant again.
In the end, my child did not ask to be here so it’s my duty to give him a comfortable life but nothing about this life is worth it.
#48 I F**king Hate Being A Mother (And Wife). There, I Said ItI’ll preface with saying that I do love my children , but It absolutely drains every single part of my being. To the point where I’m not sure I can keep going much longer.
I hate how I went undiagnosed with a neurological disorder my entire life until recently, which makes being a parent/partner so damn difficult. I could have made better choices had I known.
I hate that I grew up thinking because I was a girl, having kids was just part of life. I hate how we don’t normalize conversations surrounding the topic of NOT having children.
I hate that I even feel this way. Not like they asked to be here. So I go through the motions and try my best . For them. But what I wouldn’t give to go back 20 years and make different choices.
#49 Parenting Is Not What I Thought It Would BeI have three children. The oldest is 19, the youngest is 9 (the middle is 11). I was a teen mom. I have been doing this for about twenty years and I just don’t like it. At all.
I love my children. They are bright and articulate and fascinatingly different one from the other. We are relatively well off, and I work really hard to provide them with everything they need, including love, care, and affection. I just DON’T love being their mother.
I thought it would get better after they reached kindergarten. I thought it would be better when I was older and more mature when I had the latter two, and they were close in age instead of my older singleton. But it wasn’t. It was worse.
I thought parenting was about showing your children how amazing the world is (and I do believe that it is amazing!) and sharing that wonder with them, and raising them to be Independent, whole people who change the world for the better - even on some small level. But it isn’t about any of that at all.
It is constantly heartbreaking .And endless and thankless and joyless and boring.
Good god, how boring!
My husband is an amazing partner and an awesome dad and he really seems to love it, and I am so happy and grateful for him. But I am also confused and disappointed and frustrated and sad and profoundly, profoundly guilty because I hate this job - and my family (all of them!) deserves someone who loves it.
I wish I got it.
Only nine more years.
#50 Having Two Kids Wrecked Everything. Wife Now Talks Kid #3So, things suck.
Ever since having a kid (obligatory statement of how much I love the little bugger), my quality of life has been going downhill fast.
No more alone time, almost no time alone with my wife, days are being spent exclusively on work or kids. Everything is a chore, even something as simple as leaving the house takes at least 30 minutes and has me grinding my teeth. You know the feeling, I don't even need to elaborate further.
Well, my wife wanted a second child, and managed to convince me after making her case for the better part of a year. I guess you all know the good old "two is so much easier", what a cruel joke. The younger one is now half a year old, and I am just utterly spent.
The relationship with my wife seems to be at an all time low, as she is constantly stressed and in mom-mode 24/7. I am trying to do my part, but between my regular job and a side gig (to help pay some of those outrageous bills), I am stretched pretty thin. Affection and intimacy seem to have gotten lost somewhere between dirty diapers, temper tantrums and petty fights about absolute nonsense.
Even having sex depends on so many factors (both kids falling asleep early, her not feeling too exhausted, there being any semblence of "mood" with toys and plushies all around us) that I can count the time the stars have aligned on one hand since kid#2 arrived.
Now, in the middle of all this madness, the wife now brought up the topic of having a third child. I mostly laughed and tried hard not to make an "immaculate conception" joke, but her "well, just think about it" already tells me I will hear all kinds of wonderful arguments in the months to come.
#51 I Am Not MotherlySome people are born with motherly instincts. Some people seem to have them kick in once their baby is born.. and then there's people like me that are 8 years into this gig and I haven't ever felt any special love or instinct like I was told I would. I love my kids, but I love them the same way I love my brother or my grandparents. It's nothing special, and definitely not like a special bond. I've basically been on manual since they were born. I've never just known what's wrong when I heard their cries, their first words and other milestones have never meant anything to me, and I've always had the feeling of being nothing but inconvenienced when I couldn't easily fix a problem.
I don't know if this plays apart in my regrets of being a parent, or if this comes from regretting it. I do feel very guilty and sad for my kids. They know love, and over the years, my patience has increased a bit, but they won't ever get the experience of a good mom.
I regret my kids. I regret having to parent my kids. I wish I could be the "fun aunt" and just visit them sometimes. I'm trying my hardest to give them a decent childhood, but my regret and depression weigh on me a lot. I don't know how to keep up this charade.
#52 I Adore My Adult Kids But I Wouldn't Be A Mother If I Could Have Another Shot At AdulthoodMy three kids (aged 34, 31 and 28) have all turned out into decent functioning members of society. One daughter got her Master's as an older student and has a very good job as a policy advisor and doesn't want her own kids, my other daughter has a degree and works as a bank teller (she doesn't love it, but it isn't unbearable, and the bank she works for pays well and has good benefits), and is married with 2 girls, and my son went into a trade and his partner had a baby in May. They have/had their issues with mental illness and teenage rebellion and all the things that come with life and parenthood, but they all ended up OK in the end.
My regrets have nothing to do with them as people. They all turned out into people I love.
My regrets are that raising them into functioning members of society basically came at the expense of my own life.
I didn't really do anything with my life because I was busy raising them, and now, I am busy helping them with my grandchildren, which I am happy to do, but it is only now that I realise how motherhood was basically it for my life. I never travelled, I never had my own career, I don't have a happy relationship to retire with because the stress of kids droves us apart and my ex husband to his secretary (what a cliche, I know). Because the economy is so cruel to millennials, they were at home for a long time and needed my help beyond 18. My oldest has a Master's degree and it is still hard for her to get ahead, it wasn't like that for us.
I see my childfree daughter living her life - travelling, enjoying hobbies, having a great life, and I wish I knew that was an option for me. I had kids because it was "what you did" after you got married, especially 30+ years ago. I wish I knew there were other choices. I always loved my kids, but was always kinda unhappy - I just thought it was a normal part of being an adult and was medicated, but I only realise now that I was totally unfulfilled.
I've raised three humans that turned out pretty great......but never really had a life for myself, and now I have some time, I don't have the health or money to do all the things I wish I did in my life, and the pandemic is making it impossible.
I don't know if regret is the right word, because I love them, but I think if I could do my adult life over again knowing what I know now, I wouldn't be a mother again and would live my life for myself and not for others and make myself happy instead of taking on a life of sacrificing my happiness for my children. It is not their job to appreciate it and I don't expect anything in return, but I am glad my daughter has always expressed gratitude. But I still wouldn't do it again, even for her, and that makes me feel a lot of guilt. But I just wish I got to live for myself, you know?
#53 I'm Tired Of "Warrior Mommies" Telling Me I'm LuckyI have one child. One and done. Last and only.
If l am honest, it was an unwanted and surprise pregnancy. I hated absolutely everything about being pregnant. Breast feeding made me feel like a cow. I had serious PPD. My child was fussy, always had a cold or teething (or both) and generally a difficult baby. I have a protective bond but if I could magically wave a wand and start again, I'd be child-free.
My marriage was never the same after the baby. My husband has a huge family who wants us to have more kids and I still hear about it. My husband adores our child who is about to turn 5. If I'm honest, I sometimes fantasize about running away and getting a little one bedroom place of my own. He can go for it solo. I hate being a parent. My kid is sweet, but the prospect of dealing for another decade and change is beyond words depressing. I often feel like I'd rather just be a cool aunt and connect occasionally instead of 24/7.
But the worst? The Warrior Mommies. The women who constantly tell me how lucky I am. Who think everything about motherhood is a goddamn art form. Who shame and blame if you don't join in their whole "go mama! This is your purpose on earth! Let's celebrate it!" natural birth/co sleep/breastfeed til they are 5 kind of rah rah BS. I loathe and despise this. I have withdrawn from friendships with women like these. I now seem only to spend time with child free people when I get a moment to actually socialize.
I just wish people were honest. Not everyone finds parenting rewarding. Not everyone thinks birth is a magical experience or that breast milk is manna from heaven. My husband does not understand why I'm not more enthusiastic. I wish regretful moms had more of a voice.
#54 My GF Got Pregnant Despite Using Protection, She's Keeping It And I Don't Want ItI won't go through all the specifics of the situation, but essentially a hormone spiral got displaced and so wasn't effective.
I don't want the kid to grow up without a father and feel ashamed if I would just leave my GF and the child. My GF is 50-50 on keeping the child.
My GF and I fight all the time, so staying together with a child is not a reasonable environment to give a child
I'm mentally ill (autism), which is highly inheritable
I wouldn't want for anyone else to suffer from that kind of handicap
My mental illness means I'm not sure how much of a father figure I can be
She comes from a marginalised upbringing and has her own baggage
The first point was enough for me to break things off romantically, which she has not taken lightly. I still care for her, but our situation is just miserable, even without a child.
Breaking up now gives up 7 months to establish more formal and friendly relations that can hopefully work for the child. She doesn't see it that way, but was hoping that a baby would bring us together.
We're not stuck in an apartment under lockdown broken up with no places to go and I can hear her crying in the room next to me. All I want to do is go hug her.
#55 Regretful-ParentsI don't hate my son, but I hate being a mother. I don't hate my son, I hate myself for having taken the decision to have a child.
It's so hard, I feel like I don't have any freedom since I'm a mother. I'm just waiting for him to sleep, because I'll finally be alone.
I have a partner, I can't stand him anymore, but I can't be a single mom, I can't be alone with my son.
That's just hard.. thank you for reading.
#56 Adoption RegretI have wanted to adopt kids (not babies) since I was a teenager. Just realized yesterday that I have tokophobia. I NEVER wanted to give birth and thankfully haven't. But my husband and I did adopt 2 children from Poland (They were 8 & 9), hopeful that we would give them a happy, loving home and family.
They had Reactive Attachment Disorder (and other disorders) and made life hell. Our son was incredibly violent. I won't go into detail but tell one story. He was sent to a behavioral hospital for the first time at 10. I told the therapist there that I was afraid he'd someday rape me or kill me. Her response: "It's good that you recognize that.". Daughter was less violent. Both were manipulative, disrespectful, selfish, gaslighting, and self-sabotaging. Daughter also became a shoplifter. She stole from me a LOT too. And she binge ate our food.
Both are now grown. Son left our home the last time at 14 (to another behavioral hospital which suggested we NOT pick him up) and became a ward of the state. Daughter left 5 months short of 17. Our home is now peaceful. Our finances have improved. We're not calling cops to our house every few weeks--or days.
I am no contact with them--and several family members who turned against me based on our kids' lies.
They can still contact my husband. Our son has from time to time. We haven't heard from our daughter in years.
I do regret having adopted them. But I'm grateful to be past them now. Of I could go back and talk to the me who so wanted to adopt that it hurt every Mother's Day, I'd tell her that she's better off with cats, to save the money for retirement or travel or anything but adoption. The chances are just too high that she'd end up with kids who couldn't love, and who would try to destroy everything she cared about. She could host foreign students maybe. (We can't now, thanks to CPS blaming us when the problems actually stemmed from early childhood trauma from their neglectful and abusive birthparents.)
I used to be a real advocate for adoption. I'm not anymore. I wish I was just childless.
#57 Why Did I Do This To Myself?I’ve got a three year old daughter. I always knew I wanted to be a parent. I loved babies, and I couldn’t wait to have my own! I’ve hated every second of it since the moment I got pregnant. My kid sucks. She’s cute, and spunky, but it’s too much! She recently started hitting, kicking and biting when she doesn’t get her way. She’s always running away from me, and she never sits still. I honestly can’t handle it. A few days ago, she ruined my expensive eye cream and wiped my brand new mascara all over her toys and the bathroom cabinets. In reaction to this, I made sure to move all my makeup into my master bathroom cupboard. Today, as I was getting ready, I had my cupboard open, she raced in, grabbed something, and ran out. As I chased her, she dropped a makeup bag. I figured I was in the clear, and went back to getting ready. A little while later, I went to her playroom only to find that she’d taken a different makeup bag at the same time as the other! She’s squeezed all of a new small bottle of face cream and a bottle of base into her toy teacups. She’d also taken a brand new pencil eyeliner and drawn all over! My extra mascara, also new, was open on the carpet. I made her leave the room (I might have been loud), and then sat on the floor and sobbed.
I can’t keep up with all the cleaning, all the annoying noises and movements, and ruining all my stuff everyday! Why did I do this to myself?! I love her, but I hate her too.
#58 I Hate ThisI am currently hiding outside while my kid has a meltdown. The screaming triggers this awful “make it stop” fight or flight feeling that makes me feel intense rage. I need to leave to be out of earshot or else I have no way of calming down.
I hate being a parent. I hate doing s***ty, boring kid things only for my kid to have a temper tantrum anyway. I hate not having a village. I hate how thankless it is. I hate that people look at my disobedient child and think that I’m spoiling him or not doing enough - I’ve tried everything in the book! I do “all the right things”! It doesn’t seem to make a difference. I hate putting an effort in at mealtime only to have him turn his nose up at all my hard work. I hate how clingy he is. I hate that I can’t cope. I hate that I don’t love doing this like other people seem to. I hate the overwhelming weight of having someone else’s childhood in my hands, I’m so scared of messing him up. I hate, most of all, that this was my decision and I have no one to blame but myself.
That’s it. I don’t want advice, particularly not from the child-free that seem to float around commenting unnecessarily in this sub. Some solidarity would be cool though.
#59 I Want To Tell Others To Save Themselves From This MiseryI'm a regretful SAHM to a 3yo. Not a "I love my child but I hate being a mom" parent either, I feel responsibility and obligation towards my kid, but I don't love them. I try my best to hide it cos I know they deserve better, I tell them I love them, I'm affectionate, etc. But I'm counting down the days til they start school and I finally get a break. (Can't afford daycare, no babysitters)
I've seen people comment on tiktoks and articles about this subreddit with stuff like "well don't have a kid if you don't actually want them!" Or "some people can't have kids so you should be grateful!" Well newsflash to those holier than thou observers: you don't know you're going to be a regretful parent til you become a parent, and then there's no going back.
This kid was planned, wanted, years in the making. Every period was a crushing disappointment. We were looking into fertility treatment when we finally conceived, but miscarried that pregnancy at 8 weeks. I tried to see the silver lining of "well at least now we know we can get pregnant!" But I was devastated at the time. Now I know nature was trying to save me from this hell. A few months after the MC, we got pregnant again and this one stuck. I was cautious after the MC, but optimistic. I sang and talked to my bump, looked forward to meeting my baby.
Some people say their whole universe shifts when they meet their baby, and they fall instantly in love. But plenty of articles try to reassure you that that doesn't happen to everyone, so don't worry too much if you're not immediately smitten, it'll come in time, etc.
None of them said I would look at my baby for the first time and my first thought would be "I've made a huge mistake". And that was before the sleep deprivation began.
It's harder than I ever thought it could possibly be. There are no breaks, because even on the very rare occasion that I do get to go out alone, I know I have to come home so I'm never truly relaxing. Never truly able to get back to a baseline level of happiness. I feel like I'd need at least two weeks away to even begin to feel like a human being again.
I could list all the reasons why, but most people in this sub already know. The never ending monotony, the lack of time, money, agency, being touched out and over stimulated constantly, etc.
Recently some friends told me they were thinking about having a kid and without even thinking about it, I blurted out "oh god, why?!" I genuinely cannot recall a single reason I wanted a child, though I know I had some at the time. Other friends have posted pregnancy or birth announcements on social media, and I cannot bring myself to lie and say congratulations. There's nothing to congratulate, the poor idiots are about to ruin their lives, and they're doing it by choice, just like I did.
And I know I can't warn them, because it's not an acceptable thing to say, and they would never believe me. I also try and remind myself that other people obviously do not experience parenthood the same way as me, cos otherwise they'd all stop at one kid like I've done, but I honestly don't know what it is they're getting from this experience that I'm not. It's not rewarding or fulfilling or makes life worth living or any of the other trite clichés people trot out about having children. It's just hell.
#60 I Am So So So So Sick Of This KidI'm sick of how loud she is. I'm sick of the way she doesn't listen. I'm sick of the way she keeps doing things when I ask her repeatedly not to do them. I'm sick of the fart jokes and sounds. I'm sick of the constant need for attention. I'm sick of her inability to sit still and be quiet for even two minutes. I'm sick of how I can't take her anywhere without her potentially causing a scene. I'm sick of her yelling out MOMMMMMM all the time. I'm sick of how my partner and I are so drained from her that we have a dead bedroom.
I'm so so so so so sick of this kid.
I'd give anything to have a do-over and not have her.